The worst things I have done
Are not what I have done
For they were not malicious
But actions of impulse
Innocent in their mindlessness
Moments of reflexive weakness
But the monsters they have become
Will not be outdone for worstness
The worst things I have done
Were not the worst
For much more abhorrent things are
In this world
So very ubiquitous
So cold and cruel
And common
But I build up my deeds
To match my pinnacle of guilt
The worst things I have done
Are still not done
Will never be done
Because I do them over and over
In my mind
I recreate them
Attempting to redo them
To do them better
To retract them
So that they may truly be undone
The worst things I have done
I have not done
Not the I that exists this moment
For I am changed
Forged and fortified
From all I have learned
And I am not so mindless
my hardness would protect me
And keep my innocence
In an impossible anachronistic spiral
The worst things I have done
Are eternally done
And yet never done
They exist only in the past
And in my mind
And with my mindfulness
I will keep them there
And carry them with me
Though the weight of the guilt
Will hinder my progress
And I will never move forward
Until I learn to forgive
And let go